submitted by Torsa Ghosal, Kolkata, India

Bruises embossed on her face, yet,

ancient pacific eyes

propel tumbling boats

at sunset through her bosom.

A look at her and one sigh… peace.

Peace, when I see her baking chapattis

Curtained by dancing smoke, sucking black coal

On winter mornings,

Peace, when I see her battered hands

And still know my grandma nourishes hope.

Lone divide between life and death

contained in her hour glass figure,

the jingle of bangles-anklets

since Himalayas

awakened, ticks

on clock tower. Touch

of her wet, warm palms and

one long word, everlastingly- … hush.

Silence, as I climb up to Eden secretly

Cradled in lullaby of her choking throat

Silence, that’s how my mother sees

Vernal dreams beyond her painful loads

Protected in the foliage of tropical forest,

plucking petals to deck my doll’s wedding gown

I painted the earth with my toes,

I would ride on the merry-go-round,

everyday and I knew well that was bliss.

Bliss, when we tasted berries from

Cloudland vineyards that were shielded from splinter

Bliss, as I thought the creepers of childhood would

Hold me in their fragile smiling grasps forever

Eventually I was, like my grandma and mom

Sucked into the roaring fires of clichéd roles,

Of fulfilling expectations, of being the one to care,

Enduring patiently-

Night after night, bitter fights under the quilt of happiness…

Where does this end? How will we ever transcend?

Hungry touches of monstrous silence…

Until on one such troubled night

A peaceful, blissful, silent whispering moment

Informed me, as I was staring at the blades of the fan,

Some girls of my home land have gathered

Shards of lives like ours and practiced to walk on them,

And by now must have reached beyond

Circular chapattis and songs of the flawed heaven…

submitted by Chastity, Buffalo, NY

the rain

you are the madness that splits me in half

wrapped in your arms to burn eternal

a monster you’ve become

infected in the visions of me poisoned

never again to fly… I shall lay dead

inside myself, thrashing in my death throws

the rails against your ear as I die

rain falling, flowing down this window

like your sweat against my skin

I rose that day some living dead

blank stares melted into the rain

your shovel leaning against the house

moving forward as if it ever happened

the smell of rain is deadly

the sound beneath the wheels

the body twitches inside me

nerves awakened

it knows, and yet refuses to tell me

the reason she lies dead

it was something that you said

the voice remains mute in memory

I can feel your breath against my ear

but no sound…no sound

it is too awful to hear.

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submitted by Katherine

“Katherine?”
I nodded.
“Come on in”

I walked into the office and he turned on the white noise machine so no one could hear us then shut the door. For the first time, I was nervous about talking to him and I realized that I wouldn’t tell him what I needed to that day. I didn’t think I would ever be able to tell anyone.

Eventually, I was able to tell my psychologist about it. I told him about how the man I had been in love with, the one I lost my virginity to, raped me three years ago and how I had suppressed my feelings about it for years. I was seventeen when it happened. Occasionally we would park behind a building near my house to have sex because my mom was at home. We parked there one night and had sex for a little while before he decided he wanted to try anal sex. I told him no over and over because I wasn’t comfortable with it but he wouldn’t leave me alone so eventually gave in. We were in a little old sports car and I was on my stomach with the front seat leaned back. A few seconds into it I told him to stop. He told me to “give it a chance” and kept going. So I decided I would to try and make him happy but a few seconds later I decided that I really couldn’t take it and told him to stop again. He said “hold on” and kept going. It hurt so bad. I was crying and I tried to get away. I wiggled up the seat to get away from him. For a moment, I got him out of me but he followed me up the seat and got back in. My head was touching the ceiling of the car and I had no where to move, no way to get away. When he was finished he held me close and tried to comfort me and get me to stop crying before dropping me off at the house. He hugged me and said he was sorry again before driving off. Read more »

submitted by Renee B, KS

I’ve decided after thirty years of suppressing my feelings of shame, guilt and being afraid,  that it was time to break the silence of my abuse. I am sharing my story as a healing process for myself, but to give other survivors a hope for recovery.

If I had a chance to go back in time and redo any part of my life, would I?  Or If I only knew back then what I know now would I change any part of my past?  My answer would be no.  Although I would never willingly put myself through the pain and trials again, I wouldn’t change the outcome.  If I wouldn’t have gone through these times, I would have never become the stronger person I am today.  My wounds have healed, but the scars remain as a simple reminder that something good can emerge from painful situations.

I could never have envisioned that my life would be forever changed by various experiences . At the age of nine my parents divorced. A girlfriend of mine, thinking she was being comforting, molested me. This happened on several occasions and deep inside I knew it was wrong. I did not understand the complexity of the issue, so it was easier to stop being friends with her. If we were not friends, than it would stop and go away. I was confused and ashamed, so I told nobody. I wanted to forget, so I buried those feelings deep inside. At this point, I was forced to grow up at the age of nine. Read more »

submitted by Steven Adam ‘Joaquin’ Drake, Escondido, CA

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submitted by Rebecca Daniels, Macclenny, FL

It was 1989 and a secret was born then buried in guilt never to be told.  I was alone in a crowd and when by myself, angry whispers would surround me.  The voices raged in my head.  Guilty said one harlot fumed another.  He was a good Christian man, a faithful husband and devoted father.  How could I taint him with my presence?  He said he needed me, that he couldn’t stop himself.  I tried so hard to end it, I begged and pleaded.  I could hear the roar of hell’s fire knocking at the door.  There was no one to turn to, no place to hide.  I said no, it was wrong, but it kept on repeating, he said it couldn’t be denied.  Deeper I fell, surrounded by darkness, the shame draining my very soul.  It was 1989 and I was 12 years old.

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submitted by Sharon Baker, Lorain, OH

For as long as it takes to read this let your mind be blank allow the images created here to fill your mind close your eyes and look with your heart. We are about to take a most extraordinary ‘journey’. ALL around you is your world your family, your friends you feel comfortable there and don’t feel at all threatened. There is nothing to feel threatened over. It is bright and warm and real. There is not the slightest hint something could go wrong horribly wrong. For out of the blue with NO warning your world is shattered. You are in a state of shock there is just no way for you to process what has happened or to even realize that it did happen. You surely don’t want to admit you don’t know what to believe. Everything is in a shambles and you aren’t sure what is going on!!! Is what you see real or not what IS real. What has happened but you have no way to process it for you are YOUNG you are hardly 2 yrs old. How are you to know or understand? it’s a shock and a horror beyond words you have no way to even express. AFTER what seems forever you finally get up and start weakly wandering around amongst the rubble here. You start thinking of people you knew where did they go?? you CRY for them ..you call for them you cry for them there are MANY other people around but they don’t know you nor what you could be talking about. They don’t understand you..!!! NO one understands and it appears the world around you is FINE everything and everyone in its place. On some level you cant know you realize YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE this has happened to..!! Read more »