submitted by Katherine

“Katherine?”
I nodded.
“Come on in”

I walked into the office and he turned on the white noise machine so no one could hear us then shut the door. For the first time, I was nervous about talking to him and I realized that I wouldn’t tell him what I needed to that day. I didn’t think I would ever be able to tell anyone.

Eventually, I was able to tell my psychologist about it. I told him about how the man I had been in love with, the one I lost my virginity to, raped me three years ago and how I had suppressed my feelings about it for years. I was seventeen when it happened. Occasionally we would park behind a building near my house to have sex because my mom was at home. We parked there one night and had sex for a little while before he decided he wanted to try anal sex. I told him no over and over because I wasn’t comfortable with it but he wouldn’t leave me alone so eventually gave in. We were in a little old sports car and I was on my stomach with the front seat leaned back. A few seconds into it I told him to stop. He told me to “give it a chance” and kept going. So I decided I would to try and make him happy but a few seconds later I decided that I really couldn’t take it and told him to stop again. He said “hold on” and kept going. It hurt so bad. I was crying and I tried to get away. I wiggled up the seat to get away from him. For a moment, I got him out of me but he followed me up the seat and got back in. My head was touching the ceiling of the car and I had no where to move, no way to get away. When he was finished he held me close and tried to comfort me and get me to stop crying before dropping me off at the house. He hugged me and said he was sorry again before driving off. Read more »

submitted by Renee B, KS

I’ve decided after thirty years of suppressing my feelings of shame, guilt and being afraid,  that it was time to break the silence of my abuse. I am sharing my story as a healing process for myself, but to give other survivors a hope for recovery.

If I had a chance to go back in time and redo any part of my life, would I?  Or If I only knew back then what I know now would I change any part of my past?  My answer would be no.  Although I would never willingly put myself through the pain and trials again, I wouldn’t change the outcome.  If I wouldn’t have gone through these times, I would have never become the stronger person I am today.  My wounds have healed, but the scars remain as a simple reminder that something good can emerge from painful situations.

I could never have envisioned that my life would be forever changed by various experiences . At the age of nine my parents divorced. A girlfriend of mine, thinking she was being comforting, molested me. This happened on several occasions and deep inside I knew it was wrong. I did not understand the complexity of the issue, so it was easier to stop being friends with her. If we were not friends, than it would stop and go away. I was confused and ashamed, so I told nobody. I wanted to forget, so I buried those feelings deep inside. At this point, I was forced to grow up at the age of nine. Read more »

submitted by Rachel Ament, Washington, DC

It was the first day of my third year of Yeshiva High and I was trying to be good, sweet, wifely.  I sat up straight, with every step of my vertebrate lined up against my chair like so.   My hair-bob bounced exactly one inch up and down on my head like so. I was the girl whose insides were difficult to envisage: did I truly have the same whoosh and whirl of brown digestion inside me as all of the other human beings?

I did.

And it made me feel doomed. That very day, my morning oatmeal was digesting acid-first into my stomach and there was nothing I could do to stop it. It made gurgling sounds, zigzag radio static sounds. I was coughing to try to cover it all up but this did not prevent the other student from curving their heads back to try to catch a glimpse. I thought it was unfair because what is inside your body, under your skin, is supposed to be kept private. Read more »