submitted by Chastity, Buffalo, NY
the rain
you are the madness that splits me in half
wrapped in your arms to burn eternal
a monster you’ve become
infected in the visions of me poisoned
never again to fly… I shall lay dead
inside myself, thrashing in my death throws
the rails against your ear as I die
rain falling, flowing down this window
like your sweat against my skin
I rose that day some living dead
blank stares melted into the rain
your shovel leaning against the house
moving forward as if it ever happened
the smell of rain is deadly
the sound beneath the wheels
the body twitches inside me
nerves awakened
it knows, and yet refuses to tell me
the reason she lies dead
it was something that you said
the voice remains mute in memory
I can feel your breath against my ear
but no sound…no sound
it is too awful to hear.
submitted by Katherine
“Katherine?”
I nodded.
“Come on in”
I walked into the office and he turned on the white noise machine so no one could hear us then shut the door. For the first time, I was nervous about talking to him and I realized that I wouldn’t tell him what I needed to that day. I didn’t think I would ever be able to tell anyone.
Eventually, I was able to tell my psychologist about it. I told him about how the man I had been in love with, the one I lost my virginity to, raped me three years ago and how I had suppressed my feelings about it for years. I was seventeen when it happened. Occasionally we would park behind a building near my house to have sex because my mom was at home. We parked there one night and had sex for a little while before he decided he wanted to try anal sex. I told him no over and over because I wasn’t comfortable with it but he wouldn’t leave me alone so eventually gave in. We were in a little old sports car and I was on my stomach with the front seat leaned back. A few seconds into it I told him to stop. He told me to “give it a chance” and kept going. So I decided I would to try and make him happy but a few seconds later I decided that I really couldn’t take it and told him to stop again. He said “hold on” and kept going. It hurt so bad. I was crying and I tried to get away. I wiggled up the seat to get away from him. For a moment, I got him out of me but he followed me up the seat and got back in. My head was touching the ceiling of the car and I had no where to move, no way to get away. When he was finished he held me close and tried to comfort me and get me to stop crying before dropping me off at the house. He hugged me and said he was sorry again before driving off. Read more »
submitted by Renee B, KS
I’ve decided after thirty years of suppressing my feelings of shame, guilt and being afraid, that it was time to break the silence of my abuse. I am sharing my story as a healing process for myself, but to give other survivors a hope for recovery.
If I had a chance to go back in time and redo any part of my life, would I? Or If I only knew back then what I know now would I change any part of my past? My answer would be no. Although I would never willingly put myself through the pain and trials again, I wouldn’t change the outcome. If I wouldn’t have gone through these times, I would have never become the stronger person I am today. My wounds have healed, but the scars remain as a simple reminder that something good can emerge from painful situations.
I could never have envisioned that my life would be forever changed by various experiences . At the age of nine my parents divorced. A girlfriend of mine, thinking she was being comforting, molested me. This happened on several occasions and deep inside I knew it was wrong. I did not understand the complexity of the issue, so it was easier to stop being friends with her. If we were not friends, than it would stop and go away. I was confused and ashamed, so I told nobody. I wanted to forget, so I buried those feelings deep inside. At this point, I was forced to grow up at the age of nine. Read more »
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