http://breakthesilenceproject.com/forum/ Fri, 10 Sep 2010 23:37:56 +0000 MyBB http://breakthesilenceproject.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=8 Sat, 04 Jul 2009 07:13:28 +0000 http://breakthesilenceproject.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=8
When I was in second grade, my Dad made me, my older brother, and my older sister move in with my Nana, the greatest person on the entire planet. I was sad to leave me little town that I loved, but, I was also excited to move into an even smaller one. I loved it there. My Nana was so happy to have us there that I even forgot that my Dad was in France for a little while.

I met "A" (my abuser) in March 2002, when I was only seven years old. We became really good friends, and the two of us had the "oh so brilliant" idea of getting my Dad and his Mom together. And, sadly, it worked. I was no longer the "baby" of the family, but, I was fine with that. I never liked bringing attention to myself anyways.

"A" and I had an alright relationship... until 2006, when I started sixth grade and he started seventh. One night, mid-October, I woke up to find him touching me. He had actually pulled my pants down around my knees, and lifted my shirt, and... I was scared. Only eleven years old, I didn't want to believe that my "brother" (stepbrother, really) could do that. So, I didn't say anything. I kept it to myself.

In eighth grade, 2008, I met "N". He was the most amazing guy ever, and he really cared about me. You could tell by the way he was very careful not to upset me. It was like he could read my mind. I told him about "A" after very careful consideration. I had never told anyone before, and, quite frankly, I was nervous. When I finally did tell him, he cried and promised to never let anything hurt me again.

He was with me when I told my parents.

I know I will never completely heal. It's impossible for me. But I want to help raise awareness about sexual abuse around the world. That's why I support RAINN fully. I haven't seen "A" in about nine months, and I'm fine with that. I would be fine with never seeing him again. He stole my childhood away, and that's something I can never get back.

I am broken.]]>
When I was in second grade, my Dad made me, my older brother, and my older sister move in with my Nana, the greatest person on the entire planet. I was sad to leave me little town that I loved, but, I was also excited to move into an even smaller one. I loved it there. My Nana was so happy to have us there that I even forgot that my Dad was in France for a little while.

I met "A" (my abuser) in March 2002, when I was only seven years old. We became really good friends, and the two of us had the "oh so brilliant" idea of getting my Dad and his Mom together. And, sadly, it worked. I was no longer the "baby" of the family, but, I was fine with that. I never liked bringing attention to myself anyways.

"A" and I had an alright relationship... until 2006, when I started sixth grade and he started seventh. One night, mid-October, I woke up to find him touching me. He had actually pulled my pants down around my knees, and lifted my shirt, and... I was scared. Only eleven years old, I didn't want to believe that my "brother" (stepbrother, really) could do that. So, I didn't say anything. I kept it to myself.

In eighth grade, 2008, I met "N". He was the most amazing guy ever, and he really cared about me. You could tell by the way he was very careful not to upset me. It was like he could read my mind. I told him about "A" after very careful consideration. I had never told anyone before, and, quite frankly, I was nervous. When I finally did tell him, he cried and promised to never let anything hurt me again.

He was with me when I told my parents.

I know I will never completely heal. It's impossible for me. But I want to help raise awareness about sexual abuse around the world. That's why I support RAINN fully. I haven't seen "A" in about nine months, and I'm fine with that. I would be fine with never seeing him again. He stole my childhood away, and that's something I can never get back.

I am broken.]]> http://breakthesilenceproject.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=7 Thu, 07 May 2009 18:56:07 +0000 http://breakthesilenceproject.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=7
I was able to identify the guy and the car he was driving. Although he was arrested that night and indicted a few months later, he never went to trial. His trial never took place because he was brutally beaten to death in Providence before his court date. 34 years later, no one has ever been charged with the crime.

In the time between the night of my assault and the night he was murdered, I lived in fear. I was afraid he was still around town. Afraid he was looking for me. Afraid he would track me down and kill me. The fear didn’t go away when he was murdered. Although he was no longer a threat, the simple life and innocence of a 14-year-old boy was gone forever. Carefree childhood thoughts replaced with the unrelenting realization that my world wasn’t a safe place. My peace shattered by a horrific criminal act of sexual violence.

Over the past 34 years, I’ve been haunted by horrible, recurring memories of what he did to me. He visits me in my sleep. There have been dreams–nightmares actually–dozens of them, sweat inducing, yelling-in-my-sleep nightmares filled with images and emotions as real as they were when it actually happened. It doesn’t get easier over time. Long dead, he still visits me, silently sneaking up from out of nowhere when I least expect it. From the grave, he sits by my side on the couch every time the evening news reports a child abduction or sex crime. I don’t watch America’s Most Wanted or Law and Order SVU, because the stories are a catalyst, triggering long suppressed emotions, feelings, memories, fear and horror. Real life horror stories rip painful suppressed memories out from where they hide, from that recessed place in my brain that stores dark, dangerous, horrible memories. It happened when William Bonin confessed to abducting, raping and murdering 14 boys in California; when Jesse Timmendequas raped and murdered Megan Kanka in New Jersey; when Ben Ownby, missing for four days, and Shawn Hornbeck, missing for four years, were recovered in Missouri.

Despite what happened that night and the constant reminders that continue to haunt me years later, I wouldn’t change what happened. The animal that attacked me was a serial predator, a violent pedophile trolling my neighborhood in Lincoln, Rhode Island looking for young boys. He beat me, raped me, and I stayed alive. I lived to see him arrested, indicted and murdered. It might not have turned out this way if he had grabbed one of my friends or another kid from my neighborhood. Perhaps he’d still be alive. Perhaps there would be dozens of more victims and perhaps he would have progressed to the point of silencing his victims by murdering them.

Out of fear, shame and guilt, I’ve been silent for over three decades, not sharing with anyone the story of what happened to me. No more. The silence has to end. What happened to me wasn't my fault. The fear, the shame, the guilt have to go. It’s time to stop keeping this secret from the people closest to me, people I care about, people I love, my long-time friends and my family. It’s time to speak out to raise public awareness of male sexual assault, to let other victims know that they’re not alone and to help victims of rape and violent crime understand that the emotion, fear and memories that may still haunt them are not uncommon to those of us who have shared a similar experience.

For those who suffer in silence, I hope my story brings some comfort, strength, peace and hope.

My novel, Men in My Town, was inspired by these actual events. Men in My Town is available now at http://www.Amazon.com

For additional information, please visit the Men in My Town blog at http://www.meninmytown.wordpress.com]]>
I was able to identify the guy and the car he was driving. Although he was arrested that night and indicted a few months later, he never went to trial. His trial never took place because he was brutally beaten to death in Providence before his court date. 34 years later, no one has ever been charged with the crime.

In the time between the night of my assault and the night he was murdered, I lived in fear. I was afraid he was still around town. Afraid he was looking for me. Afraid he would track me down and kill me. The fear didn’t go away when he was murdered. Although he was no longer a threat, the simple life and innocence of a 14-year-old boy was gone forever. Carefree childhood thoughts replaced with the unrelenting realization that my world wasn’t a safe place. My peace shattered by a horrific criminal act of sexual violence.

Over the past 34 years, I’ve been haunted by horrible, recurring memories of what he did to me. He visits me in my sleep. There have been dreams–nightmares actually–dozens of them, sweat inducing, yelling-in-my-sleep nightmares filled with images and emotions as real as they were when it actually happened. It doesn’t get easier over time. Long dead, he still visits me, silently sneaking up from out of nowhere when I least expect it. From the grave, he sits by my side on the couch every time the evening news reports a child abduction or sex crime. I don’t watch America’s Most Wanted or Law and Order SVU, because the stories are a catalyst, triggering long suppressed emotions, feelings, memories, fear and horror. Real life horror stories rip painful suppressed memories out from where they hide, from that recessed place in my brain that stores dark, dangerous, horrible memories. It happened when William Bonin confessed to abducting, raping and murdering 14 boys in California; when Jesse Timmendequas raped and murdered Megan Kanka in New Jersey; when Ben Ownby, missing for four days, and Shawn Hornbeck, missing for four years, were recovered in Missouri.

Despite what happened that night and the constant reminders that continue to haunt me years later, I wouldn’t change what happened. The animal that attacked me was a serial predator, a violent pedophile trolling my neighborhood in Lincoln, Rhode Island looking for young boys. He beat me, raped me, and I stayed alive. I lived to see him arrested, indicted and murdered. It might not have turned out this way if he had grabbed one of my friends or another kid from my neighborhood. Perhaps he’d still be alive. Perhaps there would be dozens of more victims and perhaps he would have progressed to the point of silencing his victims by murdering them.

Out of fear, shame and guilt, I’ve been silent for over three decades, not sharing with anyone the story of what happened to me. No more. The silence has to end. What happened to me wasn't my fault. The fear, the shame, the guilt have to go. It’s time to stop keeping this secret from the people closest to me, people I care about, people I love, my long-time friends and my family. It’s time to speak out to raise public awareness of male sexual assault, to let other victims know that they’re not alone and to help victims of rape and violent crime understand that the emotion, fear and memories that may still haunt them are not uncommon to those of us who have shared a similar experience.

For those who suffer in silence, I hope my story brings some comfort, strength, peace and hope.

My novel, Men in My Town, was inspired by these actual events. Men in My Town is available now at http://www.Amazon.com

For additional information, please visit the Men in My Town blog at http://www.meninmytown.wordpress.com]]> http://breakthesilenceproject.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=6 Sat, 14 Feb 2009 10:07:05 +0000 http://breakthesilenceproject.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=6 It made me mad . . .I was already a sort of bitter person because of some abuse that I had suffered (emotional)and I ,in my mind, decided that I was going to hunt this guy down someday and recompense the hurt that he had laden this beautiful wife of mine with.
I watched my wife suffer emotionally with guilt and hatred in her heart and she would do these workbooks for sexual abuse and counseling making progress . . . then losing it . . .It just seemed like something was missing . . .Our hatred for this monster grew. Our marriage fell apart . . . We were in Colorado at the time and the abuse took place in Michigan, when she was age 5-10 25 years previously . . .Then one day, Her uncle had just went back to the old neighborhood in Michigan and came back to Colorado.
He gave my wife and I a stunning report . . . It turns out that he saw the guy who had abused my wife . . .He said these exact words-" You know,I saw (name) . . .He's homeless AND blind . . . " At first my wife was pleased to hear this. Then, remarkably, She started talking about this person compassionately . . . I have to say , it threw me off to hear her talking about how bad SHE felt for HIM! Quite frankly, I wanted to celebrate! She told me that she forgives him. It didn't make sense to me then.

It does now . . .She has not had the kind of trouble in her own mind since that time . . . That day that she said that she forgave him . . . She actually PRAYED for him. I had been an atheist my whole life,and I didn't really think that my wife was religious either, until the news came about a blind and homeless man that she once knew.We believe solidly that God does things in their own time . . .To help us . . .She said that she was mad at God for not hearing her voice as a little girl . . .Did he hear? My wife is so strong as a person.When friends need help,she's there . . .Our son was diagnosed with cancer and SHE brought him to all of his chemo treatments,clinics, appointments and now he is fully recovered. This fragile and "broken" person sure fooled me! She is like a tree that CAN'T be cut down or burned in the "fires" of life . . .
Gold is tested in fire to make it more pure . . .My wife is gold . . .She's been through much fire . You also have been through fire and with each fire storm that life throws at you, your bark becomes more resiliant , getting thicker until you start to laugh when the fire comes! Why should a seqouia be afraid? God laughs with you! He ends up with the gold he has made out of you! Foregiveness is an ointment that heals many wounds . . .Many have been wounded. Our strength is in love . . . Love those who have hated you! Then peace will be yours . . .My wife showed me this . . . [/color]]]> It made me mad . . .I was already a sort of bitter person because of some abuse that I had suffered (emotional)and I ,in my mind, decided that I was going to hunt this guy down someday and recompense the hurt that he had laden this beautiful wife of mine with.
I watched my wife suffer emotionally with guilt and hatred in her heart and she would do these workbooks for sexual abuse and counseling making progress . . . then losing it . . .It just seemed like something was missing . . .Our hatred for this monster grew. Our marriage fell apart . . . We were in Colorado at the time and the abuse took place in Michigan, when she was age 5-10 25 years previously . . .Then one day, Her uncle had just went back to the old neighborhood in Michigan and came back to Colorado.
He gave my wife and I a stunning report . . . It turns out that he saw the guy who had abused my wife . . .He said these exact words-" You know,I saw (name) . . .He's homeless AND blind . . . " At first my wife was pleased to hear this. Then, remarkably, She started talking about this person compassionately . . . I have to say , it threw me off to hear her talking about how bad SHE felt for HIM! Quite frankly, I wanted to celebrate! She told me that she forgives him. It didn't make sense to me then.

It does now . . .She has not had the kind of trouble in her own mind since that time . . . That day that she said that she forgave him . . . She actually PRAYED for him. I had been an atheist my whole life,and I didn't really think that my wife was religious either, until the news came about a blind and homeless man that she once knew.We believe solidly that God does things in their own time . . .To help us . . .She said that she was mad at God for not hearing her voice as a little girl . . .Did he hear? My wife is so strong as a person.When friends need help,she's there . . .Our son was diagnosed with cancer and SHE brought him to all of his chemo treatments,clinics, appointments and now he is fully recovered. This fragile and "broken" person sure fooled me! She is like a tree that CAN'T be cut down or burned in the "fires" of life . . .
Gold is tested in fire to make it more pure . . .My wife is gold . . .She's been through much fire . You also have been through fire and with each fire storm that life throws at you, your bark becomes more resiliant , getting thicker until you start to laugh when the fire comes! Why should a seqouia be afraid? God laughs with you! He ends up with the gold he has made out of you! Foregiveness is an ointment that heals many wounds . . .Many have been wounded. Our strength is in love . . . Love those who have hated you! Then peace will be yours . . .My wife showed me this . . . [/color]]]> http://breakthesilenceproject.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=5 Thu, 12 Feb 2009 01:01:28 +0000 http://breakthesilenceproject.com/forum/showthread.php?tid=5 I am currently writing a thesis paper entitled Rape Culture in the Courtroom. I would love to submit it, but it is not complete yet, and it is quite long. Do you think it would still be accepted?]]> I am currently writing a thesis paper entitled Rape Culture in the Courtroom. I would love to submit it, but it is not complete yet, and it is quite long. Do you think it would still be accepted?]]>